Nick, this is your mother speaking
Graduation is coming!
by Denise Novaky on 06/01/13Dear Nick:
It's almost a year since the day your high school class, Mt. Olive graduates of 2012, received their diplomas. Your friends told me that the graduates and everyone in the audience gave you an overwhelming standing ovation. The year has flown so quickly; your friends have a year of post-high school real-life bliss under their belt. I started thinking about the advice I could give them.
My own journey through and after Mt. Olive High School has been, hmmm, how can I explain this? Well, it's been 37 years since I donned the MOHS graduation gown with honor society cord (yuppers!) and threw my cap in the air. Since that time, I pursued :
a) that which I needed for my chosen career (My advice: yes, in the beginning it is frustrating and I thought the frustration would never end. Hang in there, the frustrating part where you feel like a total imposter and have no idea what you're doing will pass. Trust me);
b) opened and maintained my own business (I was horribly fearful of leaving a paying job as an employee. My friends said, "build it and they will come." Frightened out of my mind, I did and they did and the rest is history. Do not let your fear stop you from a reasonable plan. It should stop you, hopefully, from an unreasonable plan. Don't know the difference? Ask someone. I did.)
c) lived the life of married with children. (Having someone with whom to share a life is DEFINITLY better than the alternative. However, make sure you choose wisely. Do-overs are messy and expensive.)
d) did the working-mother thing (yeah! When Indira Ghandi was a working mom with small children she said something about worrying about home when at work and worrying about work when at home. THAT JUST ABOUT SUMS IT UP. Try not to enter working motherhood until you've got as many reinforcements in place as possible!)
e) experienced the day my children, my chicks, left the brood. Whether to heaven or an apt in Hackettstown, both a transition to empty-nest. (My advice to those young women who cannot even see the distant future of their empty-nest-hood: DEVELOP HOBBIES EARLY. Nick, do you remember how you and Ben would say that my hobbies were a category to themselves? I tried roller skating, wood burning, photography, beading, gardening and tons more I cannot recall now. They were all fun and I come in/out of all of them, except roller skating :(, even now. Empty nest? No problem. I have more ideas of things to try than hours in the day.)
With all the above said, there is one truth that I've found to be absolute without any doubt. The friends I met at Mt. Olive High School are my life-long friends. We may have had some separation time while the post-high school-bliss ran its course, but they always remained my true friends. We grew up together. We know each other. We trust each other. And, in my darkest of days, they were there and did not leave.
So, to the Mt. Olive graduates of the past and the future, my wish is that you will also know the depth of friendship that is not bound by time or space.
Forever the mom of Nick and Ben.
Memorial Day Blast
by Denise Novaky on 05/26/13
May 26, 2013
Dear Nick:
I went to the hospital to give birth to you nineteen years ago, today. You weren't born until the next day and I recall that, as the doctor delivered you into this world on May 27, I mentioned that we had to hurry so that I could spend time with Ben on his birthday. The doctor was surprised and assured me he could have stopped the birth a day so that you did not have the same birthday. HA! It was time for me to have my body back, you needed to leave it; one more day would have surely made me crazy. More importantly, I wanted my two sons to be forever tied with a shared birthday. And so, in this plane or the next, the two of you remain forever tied within a hoop of life.
I spent today fundraising and spreading the word about Become Awesome at the Memorial Day Baseball Blast Tournament. My mind went back to those days when you and Ben played baseball from t-ball through varsity high school baseball. I missed those days. You and Ben are grown up despite living in different dimensions; my sons are no longer baseball kids taking practice swings while on deck, dragging a baseball bag to the dug out, putting your water bottles in the holes of the fence, watching for Marty the ice cream man (who eventually arrived, by the way), and yelling at me if I stepped foot by the dug out. It was a wonderful journey and I thank both you and your brother for the ride.
Though you reside in what we call the afterlife, I know our family remains intact. You are with us each day. Ben has moved on to making his own home, working a job, etc. Dad and I are pursuing other hobbies. You are.....probably driving someone crazy in heaven but insisting upon providing protection to those of us here on earth. I am sure you miss us, too. Your father and I taught you and your brother to be strong, stand firm, do right, and move forward. My father taught me the same when my mother died so very young. Though a piece of my heart resides forever with you in the afterlife and another piece with Ben as he grows into his own man, we remain one family and always Become Awesome, even when life hurts.
Forever the mother of Ben and Nick
Who am I?
by Denise Novaky on 05/18/13
Tell me I'm clever. Tell me I'm kind. Tell me I'm talented.
Tell me I'm cute. Tell me I'm sensitive, graceful and wise.
Tell me I'm perfect
But tell me the truth. --Shel Silverstein
Nick, I met a friend of yours the other day, Lee Rouson. You met him years ago at the basketball court at Louis Nelson Park. He talked to you about being true to yourself and having confidence in your abilities. He told you to question yourself, "Who do I want to be?" Our conversation got me to ask myself, "Who am I?"
When I was a young woman in college (undergraduate school), I did not know who I was but I DID KNOW that I did not fit into the college environment. I didn't know the reason I felt so socially uncomfortable but something was very wrong. I studied A LOT but that wasn't the problem: nearly everyone studied hard at the college I attended with a high percentage of students desiring to obtain doctoral degrees or become attorneys. I hit the Dean's list almost every semester but was stuck asking myself, "who am I?" I couldn't find anyone who stopped long enough to ask themselves the question or, it seemed, even cared. I really didn't have friends.
Eventually, as life progressed, I became caught up defining myself by social role: daughter, student, poor graduate student, intern, wife, mother, psychologist. I stopped asking, "Who am I?" Still, something didn't seem right. Looking back I now realize, I wasn't answering the question correctly. No wonder I felt uncomfortable.
So, Who am I? My truth: I am one with nature. I am committed to my life's work. I am someone who solves problems to help others live better. I am motivated towards excellence. I am a survivor. I am a person who stands tall for truth, no matter how large the adversity or challenge. I ask enough questions to ensure success. I am a wonderer. I am adventurous and an explorer.
But, when you push away all the details, I am...
ONE TOUGH MOTHER
